CaptMurdock's Corner

The Way of Mrs. Cosmopilite

Useful Koans for the Apprenticed Sweeper

Is it not written...?

• A little soap and water never killed anyone
• A penny saved is a penny earned.
• A washed pot never boils. (This one was related by way of a Yeti, so it may be garbled by a mild speech impediment)
• Because.
• Big events always cast their shadows.
• Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age.
• Close the door! you weren't born in a barn.
• Do as I say not as I do.
• Do unto otters as you would have them do unto you. (Koan 97) (Lu-Tze mentions uncertainty about having gotten this one right)
• Do you think I'm made of money?
• Do you think this is a hotel? You can't come in here only to sleep.
• Don't go out with a wet head, you'll catch cold
• Don't make me come in there!
• Don't talk with your mouth full.
• Don't put that in your mouth, you don't know where it's been.
• Don't you have anything better to do.
• Eat it up, it'll make your hair curly.
• Enough is enough.
• Everything comes to he who waits.
• Every second counts.
• Go to your room and think about what you did!
• Hard work never did anybody any harm.
• How do you know you don't like it you haven't tasted it.
• How many times do I have to tell you?
• I can always tell when you're lying.
• I can't be having with that kind of thing.
• I'd forget my own head if it wasn't nailed on.
• If a single woman sleeps with a piece of wedding cake under her pillow, she will dream of her future husband.
• If I've told you once I've told you a million times.
• If it were a dog, it would have bitten you
• If the wind changes, your face will stay like that.
• If Om had wanted you to have holes in your ears he would have put them there.
• If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all
• If you don't clean your plate, you won't get any dessert
• If you don't stop crying I'll give you something to cry about.
• If you have another one you won't have an appetite for your dinner.
• If you keep goin' all cosmic on me you'll feel the end of my broom and no mistake.
• If you play with fire you will wet the bed
• If you want a thing done properly you've got to do it yourself.
• If you feel a burning in your ears somebody is talking about you.
• If you're too sick to work you're too sick to go out tonight
• I haven't got all day, you know.
• I have only one pair of hands.
• I was not born yesterday.
• I'll treat you like an adult when you start acting like one.
• I'm not as green as I'm cabbage-looking.
• I'm not always going to be around to do these things for you
• I'm not going to ask you again
• It does you good to get out in the fresh air.
• It never rains but it pours.
• It's amazing what you see if you keep your eyes open. (Koan 124)
• It won't get better if you pick at it.
• I've got a feeling in my water.
• Learn to eat with a knife and fork
• Oo, you are so sharp you'll cut yourself one of these days.
• Say that again and I'll wash your mouth out with soap
• Seeing is believing.
• The big sea does not care which way the little fishes swim.
• There is a time and a place for everything.
• There is no time like the present.
• There's a lot goes on we don't get told.
• There's a lot goes on we don't know about, in my opinion.
• We live and learn.
• Well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs.
• When I was you age, I had to walk ten miles through the snow, uphill, by myself, every day, to go to school.
• When you have got to go, you have got to go.
• Wrap up warm or you'll catch your death.
• You can't tell a book by its cover.
• You could knock me down with a feather.
• You never know what's going to turn up.
• You should always wear clean underwear because you never know if you will be knocked down by a cart.
• You've got to learn to walk before you can run.